I'm waiting for a day's
end
in a box.
the dead pasted
to my desk
sneer
with jealousy.
the voices
cry injury and
filth and
rape, murder,
fire.
I hate Saturdays now.
I've always hated Mondays.
but the diabetics
need aid
and the obese
need up,
so the voices continue
to whisper.
I stare.
I curse the hours.
my only friends
have seizures.
my only friends
can't catch their breath.
you never read about
my friends
on Sunday.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
Penn State Poets
This story appears in the June 2012 edition of Voices of Central Pennsylvania.
In the past year, two Penn State alumnae--each with a very different writing style--have gone on to success by publishing their poetry in chapbooks. The program that produced the poets, however, has not shared a similar success.
An Awkward Mix of Beauty of Terror
Sheila Squillante is extremely fond of poetry, but she is also blunt when describing what she dislikes about it.
“I don’t love that, by and large, people feel that poems are these like born-from-the-breathe-of-God things that are not work,” she said.
Squillante, who received her M.F.A. in creative writing from Penn State in 2002, teaches English and creative writing at the university.
And, of course, she writes.
Her first chapbook, released in December 2011, is entitled “A Woman Traces the Shoreline.” In nine pages, Squillante manages to capture the awkward mix of beauty and terror that accompanies pregnancy.
“I wrote it when I was pregnant with my first child – very, very pregnant with my first child,” she said. “It is very much about the bounty of emotions that one goes through [during pregnancy].”
Squillante said that pregnancy, for her, was “the most profoundly weird thing ever.”
The strangeness of her pregnancy experience is best described in the third piece of her chapbook:
“I stare at my belly and he reads Bahktin. I read about amniotomies and they become potatoes thrown by aliens in my dreams. I’m gonna get you! I dream of old loves, of bears, of circumcision. I dream of women, of my own taut skin. I read around in books. I coexist. I am becoming, they tell me, ‘wholer.’”
“Yes, it [pregnancy] is inspiring, of course, but…there’s all this language around pregnacy and the pregnant body that is meant to inspire,” she said. “I think it’s meant to buoy women through what is really, to be totally blunt, a very difficult, painful, and uncomfortable bodily experience.”
“A Woman Traces the Shoreline” flows nicely from one piece to the next. Even the shortest piece, which reads simply “This is ritual,” does not seem the least bit out of place. The chapbook is available for $7.00 through sheilasquillante.com.
Nature and Words
Another Penn State graduate, Rachel Mennies, received her M.F.A. in creative writing from Penn State in 2011.Her extremely intriguing chapbook, “No Silence in the Fields,” is not a confessional work of poetry.
“When I started working on this, there were about five poems, and I realized this is a story – there is something happening between these poems that isn’t about me,” she said.
The chapbook is a series of 20 poems that read like a short story. Some poems are written from the perspective of a male character and some from a female character's point of view.
“I surprised myself when I started writing this piece,” she said. “I took a fiction workshop at Penn State, and while I loved taking the class, I do not have any talent in fiction writing or storytelling.”
Central Pennsylvania’s natural landscape influenced the imagery of “No Silence in the Fields” Mennies said.
“I definitely love the area and I see a lot of it in the chapbook,” she said. “I felt so extremely aware of how rural and how natural central Pennsylvania is…And it’s a really beautiful place to live.”
The chapbook is also a testament to Mennies’ strong love affair with language.
“The thing that has always been the most intriguing to me about poetry is how important and interesting and diverse and complicated the little, tiny words in our language are,” she said.
"A Terrible Shame"
Both Squillante and Mennies are products of a program that no longer exists.
Mennies, who graduated before the program was cut due to budget restraints, called the loss of the program a “tragedy.”
The lessons in writing and the tools she acquired while attending Penn State contributed to her well-crafted chapbook.
Squillante, who was the associate director of the creative writing M.F.A. program for eight years, said she was “heartbroken” when the program was cut.
“I think it’s a terrible shame,” she said. “It’s sort of indicative of this attitude we have towards the arts locally.”
Squillante also said that creative writing programs are “falling out” of every level of education across the country.
“Personally, I had a wonderful experience in the Penn State program,” she said “It makes me sad because it’s the end of an era.”
Even though their beloved program is no more, both writers will continue to use what they learned at Penn State in their future projects.
Mennies said that she has finished the first act of a full-length manuscript, and she is also working on a project that she started at Penn State that is “very different” from “No Silence in the Fields.”
Squillante’s next chapbook, “Women Who Pawn Their Jewelry,” includes “relationship poems” that “chronicle the breakup” of her first marriage. The chapbook can be pre-ordered until June 15th through Squillante’s website.
Additionally, Squillante has a project that she worked on with her current husband, Paul Bilger, who is an abstract photographer. It is a series of 10 of her poems that were written in response to 10 of his images.
Squillante does enjoy the thought of her work in other people’s hands.
“I do feel like once you write something and put it into the world, it’s no longer yours,” she said. “If someone reads my little chapbook, and it brings them to a place that I didn’t necessarily intend, but it’s an important place of self revelation or deep feeling, then I’m happy for that.”
In the past year, two Penn State alumnae--each with a very different writing style--have gone on to success by publishing their poetry in chapbooks. The program that produced the poets, however, has not shared a similar success.
An Awkward Mix of Beauty of Terror
Sheila Squillante is extremely fond of poetry, but she is also blunt when describing what she dislikes about it.
“I don’t love that, by and large, people feel that poems are these like born-from-the-breathe-of-God things that are not work,” she said.
Squillante, who received her M.F.A. in creative writing from Penn State in 2002, teaches English and creative writing at the university.
And, of course, she writes.
Her first chapbook, released in December 2011, is entitled “A Woman Traces the Shoreline.” In nine pages, Squillante manages to capture the awkward mix of beauty and terror that accompanies pregnancy.
“I wrote it when I was pregnant with my first child – very, very pregnant with my first child,” she said. “It is very much about the bounty of emotions that one goes through [during pregnancy].”
Squillante said that pregnancy, for her, was “the most profoundly weird thing ever.”
The strangeness of her pregnancy experience is best described in the third piece of her chapbook:
“I stare at my belly and he reads Bahktin. I read about amniotomies and they become potatoes thrown by aliens in my dreams. I’m gonna get you! I dream of old loves, of bears, of circumcision. I dream of women, of my own taut skin. I read around in books. I coexist. I am becoming, they tell me, ‘wholer.’”
“Yes, it [pregnancy] is inspiring, of course, but…there’s all this language around pregnacy and the pregnant body that is meant to inspire,” she said. “I think it’s meant to buoy women through what is really, to be totally blunt, a very difficult, painful, and uncomfortable bodily experience.”
“A Woman Traces the Shoreline” flows nicely from one piece to the next. Even the shortest piece, which reads simply “This is ritual,” does not seem the least bit out of place. The chapbook is available for $7.00 through sheilasquillante.com.
Nature and Words
Another Penn State graduate, Rachel Mennies, received her M.F.A. in creative writing from Penn State in 2011.Her extremely intriguing chapbook, “No Silence in the Fields,” is not a confessional work of poetry.
“When I started working on this, there were about five poems, and I realized this is a story – there is something happening between these poems that isn’t about me,” she said.
The chapbook is a series of 20 poems that read like a short story. Some poems are written from the perspective of a male character and some from a female character's point of view.
“I surprised myself when I started writing this piece,” she said. “I took a fiction workshop at Penn State, and while I loved taking the class, I do not have any talent in fiction writing or storytelling.”
Central Pennsylvania’s natural landscape influenced the imagery of “No Silence in the Fields” Mennies said.
“I definitely love the area and I see a lot of it in the chapbook,” she said. “I felt so extremely aware of how rural and how natural central Pennsylvania is…And it’s a really beautiful place to live.”
The chapbook is also a testament to Mennies’ strong love affair with language.
“The thing that has always been the most intriguing to me about poetry is how important and interesting and diverse and complicated the little, tiny words in our language are,” she said.
"A Terrible Shame"
Both Squillante and Mennies are products of a program that no longer exists.
“When I graduated, we had a scare when we were told the program was being
cut,” Mennies said.
Mennies, who graduated before the program was cut due to budget restraints, called the loss of the program a “tragedy.”
“I took so much from it,” she said. “It was very important for me to have
that kind of support and Penn State, in particular, had such a great program
for young writers wanting to be teachers.”
The lessons in writing and the tools she acquired while attending Penn State contributed to her well-crafted chapbook.
Squillante, who was the associate director of the creative writing M.F.A. program for eight years, said she was “heartbroken” when the program was cut.
“I think it’s a terrible shame,” she said. “It’s sort of indicative of this attitude we have towards the arts locally.”
Squillante also said that creative writing programs are “falling out” of every level of education across the country.
“Personally, I had a wonderful experience in the Penn State program,” she said “It makes me sad because it’s the end of an era.”
Even though their beloved program is no more, both writers will continue to use what they learned at Penn State in their future projects.
Mennies said that she has finished the first act of a full-length manuscript, and she is also working on a project that she started at Penn State that is “very different” from “No Silence in the Fields.”
Squillante’s next chapbook, “Women Who Pawn Their Jewelry,” includes “relationship poems” that “chronicle the breakup” of her first marriage. The chapbook can be pre-ordered until June 15th through Squillante’s website.
Additionally, Squillante has a project that she worked on with her current husband, Paul Bilger, who is an abstract photographer. It is a series of 10 of her poems that were written in response to 10 of his images.
Squillante does enjoy the thought of her work in other people’s hands.
“I do feel like once you write something and put it into the world, it’s no longer yours,” she said. “If someone reads my little chapbook, and it brings them to a place that I didn’t necessarily intend, but it’s an important place of self revelation or deep feeling, then I’m happy for that.”
Monday, April 2, 2012
Dare I?
I want to try something. As I get progressively busier, my motivation to write posts for this tends to decrease. However, I still write poetry because I love it. I know that I'm not amazing at it either, but I can get better as long as I allow myself to continue writing it. And I'd like to share some of it with whoever feels it necessary to read this thing (which I assume is only a handful of people). Most importantly, I want to encourage anyone who is unsure of themselves or their creative endeavors to continue with them and try to put them out into the world in some way...no matter how small.
Is It Raining?
you don’t know
how lucky
you are.
when you walk down
those golden streets you
stare at your feet
and listen to the
rhythm of your own
movement.
look up!
see just how high the trees reach.
notice the colors that embrace you.
reflect the smiles from all those women.
hell, maybe you’ll even find a lover
who sings all the wrong words to
every song you’ve ever heard,
but she sings them
with every ounce of conviction
in her soul.
it’ll make you want to be wrong too.
she’ll marinate you in gasoline and light
a match.
she’ll watch you burn with sin on
her tongue and sweep your ashes under
her welcome mat
as she hums a cold
love song.
hold her close and hold her often
because
one day it will all be gone.
all the spoils of celebration –
the cigarettes and the champagne –
will one day vanish.
the leaves will stop falling
and the sky overhead
will fade to grey.
and all the pretty senoritas from your
youth
will dive deep into the ocean and
hide far from
the sun.
there’s no denying that it
can be a cruel
scene just beyond
your front door,
but we can still find beauty
among the chaos.
we are most alive
near the edge.
we are all just
wine stains on
a carpet.
a better day is behind us,
but there are victories in our sights.
just look
up.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
For a Fallen Hero
Thursday was the 31st anniversary of John Lennon's death. As I made my way to classes, I couldn't help but think about what Lennon might have been doing in the present if his life had not been cut short.
He probably would have multiple charities.
He probably would have more inspiring music.
He probably would have more children.
He probably would have touched more people's lives...
And with that last sentiment, I immediately thought about Lennon's influence on me. He may have been a captivating figure to some people. He was certainly a visionary when it came to peace and free speech. His solo work proved that he was a musical genius.
But, to me, he was a Beatle.
I would be a completely different person if it wasn't for John Lennon and The Beatles. When I was younger, maybe 5 or 6 years old, I met The Beatles for the first time. Even though it was the mid-nineties and CD's were becoming the preferred method of consuming music, I heard my first Beatle melodies through a cassette tape. It was their very first album recorded for Capitol Records: Meet The Beatles!
I also had The Eagles' Hell Freezes Over and a mixtape by The Moody Blues. While I listened to all three frequently (my dad says some relatives were amazed because I had most of The Moody Blues one memorized), it was Meet The Beatles! that set the foundation for my musical preferences. Instead of meeting The Beatles later in life, I condemned contemporary pop and hip-hop and became a classic rock junkie.
Had it not been for Ringo Starr, I would have never picked up drumsticks.
Had it not been for Lennon/McCartney, I would have never appreciated the power of words.
I still listen to The Beatles today, but not as much as when I was a kid. Everyone's musical tastes grow throughout their lifetime, and I am no exception. I think the connection I made with The Beatles as a child had something to do with the value of simplicity. They were innovators in the 1960s, but after three decades of musical evolution, they're music, while still respected and revered, seemed plain. Or perhaps uncomplicated. Most importantly, like me, Meet The Beatles! was the first stage of something. And while my journey is far from over (or so I hope), each Beatle went on to do great things with their lives.
Especially John Lennon.
Rest in peace, John.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The (not-so) Horrible Crowes
In a world full of contemporary listeners who value auto-tuned jibberish and ninety-nine cent singles, The Horrible Crowes may be seen as outcasts.
I mean, an entire album of great tunes? Who do they think they are?
Brian Fallon of The Gaslight Anthem and mate Ian Perkins bring excitement to today's musical landscape with their debut LP Elsie. It is a lean, twelve-track beauty filled with sad, soul ballads ("Cherry Blossoms", "I Believe Jesus Brought Us Together") and upbeat, rock with heart-on-sleeve lyrics ("Go Tell Everybody", "Crush", "Behold the Hurricane").
To fans of TGA, Elsie is like a younger brother. Annoying at first, but eventually a worthy rival for affection from outside sources. Regardless, the genetic similarities are evident. Fallon's lyrics are up to par, but they become a focal point with songs that lack TGA's punk edge. "My first love was an arsonist/Black eyes, deep set and avarice/Red lips built like a tomb," he sings over a faint guitar tingle in the early seconds of "Blood Loss". Instead of a symphony of chords and wild change of pace, Fallon's voice is accompanied by an organ before the song hits its stride.
Personally, this is one of the best "side project" efforts I've ever heard. I was weary when I heard Fallon announce his intention to make an album without members of TGA (although they contributed to some tracks) because solo work has a tendency to, for lack of a better term, suck. Instead of proclaiming this work a "solo album", Fallon called up his old pal Ian Perkins and created a new band to experiment with a new sound.
Don't be hesitant to listen to The Horrible Crowes. Please. I'm begging you. Too many of us have been hiding in our musical comfort zones for too long. We download popular and ignore promising. We support artists through single tracks and disregard full albums.
It's time to wake up and smell the vinyl.
Sweet Tracks: "I Witnessed a Crime", "Go Tell Everybody", "Crush", "I Believe Jesus Brought Us Together" (But just get the whole damn album).
I mean, an entire album of great tunes? Who do they think they are?
Brian Fallon of The Gaslight Anthem and mate Ian Perkins bring excitement to today's musical landscape with their debut LP Elsie. It is a lean, twelve-track beauty filled with sad, soul ballads ("Cherry Blossoms", "I Believe Jesus Brought Us Together") and upbeat, rock with heart-on-sleeve lyrics ("Go Tell Everybody", "Crush", "Behold the Hurricane").
To fans of TGA, Elsie is like a younger brother. Annoying at first, but eventually a worthy rival for affection from outside sources. Regardless, the genetic similarities are evident. Fallon's lyrics are up to par, but they become a focal point with songs that lack TGA's punk edge. "My first love was an arsonist/Black eyes, deep set and avarice/Red lips built like a tomb," he sings over a faint guitar tingle in the early seconds of "Blood Loss". Instead of a symphony of chords and wild change of pace, Fallon's voice is accompanied by an organ before the song hits its stride.
Personally, this is one of the best "side project" efforts I've ever heard. I was weary when I heard Fallon announce his intention to make an album without members of TGA (although they contributed to some tracks) because solo work has a tendency to, for lack of a better term, suck. Instead of proclaiming this work a "solo album", Fallon called up his old pal Ian Perkins and created a new band to experiment with a new sound.
Don't be hesitant to listen to The Horrible Crowes. Please. I'm begging you. Too many of us have been hiding in our musical comfort zones for too long. We download popular and ignore promising. We support artists through single tracks and disregard full albums.
It's time to wake up and smell the vinyl.
Sweet Tracks: "I Witnessed a Crime", "Go Tell Everybody", "Crush", "I Believe Jesus Brought Us Together" (But just get the whole damn album).
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Eternally Enthused: A Quick Look at Larry David
His face reeks of disgust and disdain. His glasses and hair (or lack thereof) are almost as iconic as his hatred for social conventions. He is Larry David, co-creator of Seinfeld and star of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
LD’s popularity has been growing at a furious pace ever since he decided to play himself on the HBO show Curb Your Enthusiasm, but I only realized it recently with his cover story in Rolling Stone. He has managed to grace the same cover that so many other pop culture icons have in past years. Larry David is experiencing an epic rebirth; rivaled only by Steven Tyler and J.Lo on American Idol. The only difference is the world needs Larry David now more than ever.
In a time when there is so much wrong with society, Larry David has made it cool to be brutally honest. He has elevated frankness into a style; a craft. In a recent episode of Curb, co-star Jeff Garlin sums it up when he refers to Larry as a “social assassin”. Many of his pet-peeves and annoyances with humankind were made public in the 90s through Seinfeld. Thankfully, he still had more grievances with civilization around 1999, so he found another platform. Curb Your Enthusiasm has served as an outlet for more current and risqué gripes. From texting with a Blackberry while someone is talking to Catholics constantly forcing their religion onto others, it is evident that LD has plenty of material to use (and he found a great home with HBO because his delivery of the word “fuck” is hilarious).
I have tremendous respect for LD. He is my favorite television writer/actor combination of today, and a superb role model for young talents who strive to fill the same position. Seinfeld and Curb are heavy with observational comedy and quirky coincidences. They may not be the most intellectually written shows, but they rely on more than cheap kicks and corny punch-lines. I firmly believe that anyone in the United States can sit down and watch a Seinfeld or Curb episode and experience the “I’ve been there” effect. Although the plot and episode as a whole may be a bit far-fetched; the experiences of each character reflect people in our lives.
We get it, Larry. We hear you. You’re pissed. You’re annoyed. You are the fucking man. And you have my attention for years to come.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Onward
It has been about one month since I officially entered adulthood and turned 21. So far it’s been pretty spectacular. Unfortunately, the combination of this milestone and my cousin Richard’s wedding had me thinking about how furiously the years fall.
I’ve never been one for change, but it occurs anyway. I adapt as best I can and keep moving forward, but recently I began to think about how fast time was moving. 21? Really? For the longest time I thought of 21 as being this mythical event in other people’s lives. I rarely considered I would make it there simply because it always seemed so far away. It was waiting for me, but I was content with staying young.
This isn’t the point of the entry where I give you the whole “greater responsibilities” wrap. You’ve heard that one before. Personally, getting older has made me question my relevance. It seems like all these 20-somethings are just herded together; waiting for a job or a break that may never come. I was afraid that I might age and never have the chance to do something truly great. I know I’m still young, but 21 is daunting and, for me, it was a shock to my system. My future is unknown. It’s out of my control. My path is twisting and turning and I might not be able to keep up.
Then my cousin Rich got married. This was another event that took me by surprise. I mean, I knew about the wedding for awhile, but this is my cousin Rich. It feels like we were just kids playing in Bubba’s backyard and now he’s got a wife. As I watched the ceremony unfold, I couldn’t help but think about how old all of my relatives and I were becoming.
When I got to the reception, I was pretty hammered (one of the perks of being in the wedding party). I wasn’t too blitzed to see something very important though. There was Rich and his new wife Katie surrounded by friends and family wishing them the best. Through the years, these were the people who held some type of significance in their lives. They were drinking. They were dancing. They were celebrating the sacred union between a man and a woman. The revelation I was longing for occurred at this wedding reception somewhere outside of Pittsburgh.
I figured it out. Even though I’m aging at an unsavory pace; so is everyone else. All the people in my life who love and support me are acquiring wrinkles and tired bones as well. I don’t know what’s going to happen down the road. None of us do, but it’s comforting to be in confused company. You hit 21. You finish school. You get a job. You find someone who makes you feel relevant and marry them. You immerse yourself in family and friends because they’re on the same ride.
Enjoy that ride. Enjoy the moments. Today will end and you’ll be another day older, but that’s okay. That’s life.
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