Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Good Times, High Times


For my second feature story, I talked to a current Penn State student about his experience with marijuana. Enjoy.
Tyler is smiling.
Earlier in the day he found out that he only needed one class to declare a minor.
“And now I’m minoring in environmental engineering,” he says, still smiling. “I was like [expletive] it, why not?”
But that’s not the only reason Tyler’s happy right now. Despite his dealer being unable to provide him with his weekly marijuana fix, Tyler was able to smoke some free of charge.
Yes, Tyler is high. And even though he decides not to share his last name, he isn’t quite as shy when discussing marijuana.
The senior majoring in civil engineering says he likes to play video games and watch visually stimulating movies like "Transformers " when he’s high.
But he doesn’t just melt into the sofa after he smokes. He likes to ride through the streets on his longboard and he says that his coordination isn’t affected much. Tyler’s more energetic after he smokes and likes to move around. 
Just the mention of his first experience with marijuana makes Tyler chuckle.
When he was 16, Tyler traveled to Vermont with his cousin to celebrate New Year’s Eve.
“It was awesome because it was the first party that I went to,” he says as he props his navy and neon green sneakers on a coffee table . “We were all chilling, and I just happened to find myself sitting in the circle and all of the sudden this kid takes out a cigar and starts emptying it.”
Tyler says he was confused at that moment. He had never seen marijuana before, let alone the process of rolling a blunt, which is when users remove the tobacco from a cigar and replace it with marijuana.
The blunt then made its way around the circle, eventually landing in Tyler’s hand.
“I didn’t even inhale it right,” he says. “I just got some smoke in my mouth and blew it out.”
Tyler didn’t get high that night. He says he only smoked a few more times before college, but once he arrived at Penn State, his usage increased.
“I made friends with people who had a ‘guy’ so then I had a connection too,” he says. “It was easier to get than alcohol because the dealer doesn’t care what age you are. You could be six years old, and they would sell it to you.”
Tyler remains animated as he talks, motioning with his hands like an orchestra conductor. Even with his glassy eyes and occasional hesitation, Tyler is an engaging conversationalist who admits he is just as honest when he’s sober.
He usually buys an eighth of an ounce of marijuana a week. Before he skates to class on his longboard, Tyler smokes from a homemade bong. Once he gets home, Tyler says he smokes from his pipe, also known as a bowl, a few times while completing schoolwork and relaxing.
Spending upwards of $60 a week on marijuana puts a strain on his budget, but Tyler says he only buys it if he can afford it.
“I told myself early on that I will never owe anybody money,” he says. “I don’t put myself in debt.” 
Money is just one of the factors that cause some students like Tyler to rethink their marijuana usage, says Suzanne Zeman, a registered nurse.
Zeman, the coordinator of educational services for the Health Promotion and Wellness office at Penn State, says most students enrolled in the Marijuana Intervention Program at the university are mandated to be there. A smaller percentage decide to join on their own.
It’s nice to get self-referrals in the program, because it usually means that either the student, a family member or a friend have already expressed some concern, she says.
“Just because they’re here, doesn’t mean they want to do anything different,” she says. “It just depends on the person and where they’re at, and we try to meet them where they’re at.”
Students in the program meet with a masters-level health educator to discuss their marijuana usage and the factors that may contribute to them changing their habits.
Through a method called “harm reduction,” Zeman, who has been overseeing the program for two years, says health educators try to find small, manageable changes students can make to their usage habits that may or may not translate into larger changes.  
The sessions are meant to be a conversational because when students start talking, they realize some negative effects they didn’t notice before, Zeman says.
“It has to be individualized because everyone has a different background, set of experiences and even family dynamic that all play into their drug use,” she says.
Zeman says some students in the program smoke before they go to bed because it helps them sleep. Others have dealt the drug. Some were even robbed trying to buy it. 
There is a common “risk-free” mindset among students who use marijuana because more research and advertising is going toward alcohol education, she says.
“I think there is this cultural perception that marijuana is safe because of the medical marijuana issue,” she says.
Marijuana is legalized for medical use in 18 states and the District of Columbia. While the drug does offer some medical benefits, scientists continue to research ways to make the use of the drug safer.
“We don’t get into a fact war with people,” Zeman says. “They can choose to believe whatever they want to believe, but if they share something with us that’s inaccurate, at least we can make sure they have correct information.”
And then there’s the issue of addiction.
According to the 2010 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, marijuana accounted for 4.5 million of the estimated 7.1 million Americans dependent on or abusing illicit drugs.
“Marijuana can be addictive just like other drugs can be addictive,” Zeman says. “Not that it’s the most harmful thing in the world, but it’s more about getting past this mentality that it’s safe.”
As a frequent user who has seen the drug affect friends in different ways, Tyler understands the debate over whether or not marijuana is addicting.
“Yes, I have seen people get too dependent on it, but kids like me just think that things are more fun when we’re high,” he says as a smile reappears on his face. “I’ve seen both sides so I can’t say that one side doesn’t exist.”
“It’s helped me notice the little things in life and actually figure out other things,” he adds.
Tyler considers himself part of the stoner culture. He gets the munchies and likes to make “ridiculous concoctions” - his most recent being a bowl of peanut butter with granola cereal and honey on top.

He also says he’s done research and even given a speech about marijuana for a class. And some things he’s read make him very upset that marijuana isn’t legalized everywhere. 

“I almost just smoke weed to go against the government,” he laughs. “I have that hippie sense about me.”

Saturday, October 13, 2012

And the Wheels Keep Rolling

This semester I am in a feature writing class at Penn State. Our first assignment was to find a story before the first Penn State football game. A tailgate. A dedicated fan. I ventured up to Beaver Stadium Friday night to see what I could find.

Automobiles of different shapes and sizes are congesting roads outside of Pennsylvania State University’s coliseum-like Beaver Stadium.
 
Sedans zip through the intersection of Curtin and Porter roads to find the nearest parking spot. Buses crawl sheepishly through the stop signs to avoid excessive stress on the brakes or a crossing pedestrian. 
 
It’s early Friday evening of the Labor Day weekend – the unofficial end of summer. Football season is looming in Central Pennsylvania, and the Penn State Nittany Lions start their season tomorrow against Ohio University.  
 
As some students chat about their predictions for gameday, a massive RV with Penn State logos turns into a nearly deserted parking lot. A female passenger, Sandee, steps out of the vehicle. Her purple Crocs hit the lot before she hooks a leash on a large, white dog named Toby who wastes no time lifting his leg over a nearby patch of grass. A younger woman, Kelly, also exits the RV and stretches while her father, Chuck, produces a cooler filled with refreshments.
 
They are the McClains. They’ve traveled more than three hours from Delaware to get to this parking space. They are Penn State fans.
 
Only minutes after the McClains pull in, another behemoth, mobile house parks next to them, leaving a full parking space between the two RVs.
 
A mustached man, Brad, gets out of the driver’s side and begins to talk to the McClains. His wife, Suzanne, walks around the RV to greet their temporary neighbors as well.
 
They are the Bookshars. They also travelled over three hours to get to State College, starting their journey near Pittsburgh.
 
Mentally, though, the journey to make it to the Lions’ 2012 season opener has been far more eventful than any other Friday trip to State College the families have made before.
 
National media outlets swarmed Happy Valley last year to report on a scandal that involved former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky. He was convicted in June on more than 40 counts of sexually abusing young boys.
 
In July, the NCAA imposed sanctions against Penn State after Louis Freeh, an ex-FBI chief, released an investigative report about the scandal, implying that some school officials knew about Sandusky’s crimes. One of those officials was legendary head coach Joe Paterno.
 
It set off another firestorm of media in State College, which most are getting used to. Even today news vans are parked only a few feet away from where the Bookshars and McClains have docked. Reporters and camera crews are back to report on the first post-scandal football game in Happy Valley.
 
Suzanne says that she and Brad don’t usually travel to the season opener because of the lack of competition. In the past five seasons, Penn State outscored their opponents 220 - 42.  
 
But, as part of the NCAA sanctions, PSU was forced to vacate all wins from 1998 – 2011. So, the official record books now show five losses instead of five thrashings.
 
But they had to come up for this home opener to support the team, Suzanne says.
 
As both families discuss the scandal, they eventually land on the subject of the media.
 
There was the whole idea that Penn State needed to change its culture, Chuck says with a look of discontent.
 
“What does that mean? They say it like it’s a bad thing,” he says.
 
Brad shakes his head in agreement.
 
“It’s all about the Penn State family,” he quickly adds.


--------------------


Traveling Friday night as opposed to gameday Saturday is not only a strategy to beat the traffic but a necessity when you’re behind the wheel of an RV, Suzanne says.
 
“It’s not fun,” she adds.
 
Chuck says that Kelly, a sophomore at Penn State Brandywine, adjusted her Friday class schedule so that the family could get to State College earlier.
 
The adults begin to reminisce about the long trips to Happy Valley they took as children. The four to six hour trips were longer back then because the roads didn’t allow as much traffic as they do now, Brad says behind his sunglasses.
A seasoned veteran, Brad has been coming to games since he was a student at Penn State. He got his season tickets in 1974. So, it comes as no surprise that the refrigerator in his Reflection RV is stocked with recently purchased ice cream from the infamous Penn State Berkey Creamery. A necessity for any tailgate, he says.
 
On the other hand, Chuck, a lifelong fan, got his season tickets in 2000, after the expansions to Beaver Stadium. He went on eBay and bought his Vacationer RV for the sole purpose of coming to Penn State football games.
 
Chuck says it’s more economical to stay in an RV for game weekends, citing how expensive hotel rooms cost in State College for football events. But with two couches that pull out into beds, sinks, a coffeemaker, a bathroom, a shower, a refrigerator, a table, an oven and a master bedroom, the only distinction between his RV and a hotel room is the wheels.
 
Neither family will be confined to their mobile living space tonight though. They will all be attending Football Eve, the traditional pep rally that takes place before every Penn State home game, before they drive to their “campground” for the night – a Walmart parking lot.
 
It’s the most convenient spot to park for the night because everything you need is only a few steps away, Brad says as he fixes his blue Penn State cap.
 
As the group continues to share small gameday tips, Toby is sitting in the McClain’s passenger seat, staring at the quiet Pennsylvania landscape and whining a bit. It’s almost time for the families to depart, and Toby needs to roam the grass one more time.
 
Sandee admits that she doesn’t always go into the game with Chuck and Kelly. Sometimes she’ll sit out by the RV with Toby and enjoy the game from afar. She says that Toby is very well-behaved, except for the previous Blue and White weekend.
 
The McClain’s were in State College to get a small taste of football during the April scrimmage when, all of the sudden, fireworks went off.
 
Toby got scared.
 
“We were parked right over there,” she says, pointing to a corner of the lot near Lubrano Park, the university’s baseball facility.
 
“So were we,” Suzanne says, smiling at the coincidence.
 
“We were probably right next to you,” Brad adds.
 
The more the families talk, the more they start to realize that they vaguely remember each other from that weekend - if only for the fact that their diesel-powered, hotels-on-wheels were parked in the same proximity.
 
The sun begins to fall behind Beaver Stadium, and the McClains and the Bookshars get ready to enter the pep rally. Chuck puts the cooler in the RV as Kelly gives Toby some water. Brad and Suzanne make sure that the Reflection is locked up and safe from any potential harm. Before they part ways, Brad looks at the group.

“Hey…let’s go State.”


Next article I'll post is about a health issue. Stay tuned.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Yellow Notepad

I'm waiting for a day's
end
in a box.

the dead pasted
to my desk
sneer
with jealousy.

the voices
cry injury and
filth and
rape, murder,
fire.

I hate Saturdays now.

I've always hated Mondays.

but the diabetics
need aid
and the obese
need up,

so the voices continue
to whisper.

I stare.
I curse the hours.

my only friends
have seizures.

my only friends
can't catch their breath.

you never read about
my friends
on Sunday.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Penn State Poets

This story appears in the June 2012 edition of Voices of Central Pennsylvania.


In the past year, two Penn State alumnae--each with a very different writing style--have gone on to success by publishing their poetry in chapbooks. The program that produced the poets, however, has not shared a similar success.

An Awkward Mix of Beauty of Terror

Sheila Squillante is extremely fond of poetry, but she is also blunt when describing what she dislikes about it.

“I don’t love that, by and large, people feel that poems are these like born-from-the-breathe-of-God things that are not work,” she said.

Squillante, who received her M.F.A. in creative writing from Penn State in 2002, teaches English and creative writing at the university.

And, of course, she writes.

Her first chapbook, released in December 2011, is entitled “A Woman Traces the Shoreline.” In nine pages, Squillante manages to capture the awkward mix of beauty and terror that accompanies pregnancy.


“I wrote it when I was pregnant with my first child – very, very pregnant with my first child,” she said. “It is very much about the bounty of emotions that one goes through [during pregnancy].”

Squillante said that pregnancy, for her, was “the most profoundly weird thing ever.”


The strangeness of her pregnancy experience is best described in the third piece of her chapbook:

“I stare at my belly and he reads Bahktin. I read about amniotomies and they become potatoes thrown by aliens in my dreams. I’m gonna get you! I dream of old loves, of bears, of circumcision. I dream of women, of my own taut skin. I read around in books. I coexist. I am becoming, they tell me, ‘wholer.’”

“Yes, it [pregnancy] is inspiring, of course, but…there’s all this language around pregnacy and the pregnant body that is meant to inspire,” she said. “I think it’s meant to buoy women through what is really, to be totally blunt, a very difficult, painful, and uncomfortable bodily experience.”


“A Woman Traces the Shoreline” flows nicely from one piece to the next. Even the shortest piece, which reads simply “This is ritual,” does not seem the least bit out of place. The chapbook is available for $7.00 through sheilasquillante.com.

Nature and Words


Another Penn State graduate, Rachel Mennies, received her M.F.A. in creative writing from Penn State in 2011.Her extremely intriguing chapbook, “No Silence in the Fields,” is not a confessional work of poetry.

When I started working on this, there were about five poems, and I realized this is a story – there is something happening between these poems that isn’t about me,” she said.


The chapbook is a series of 20 poems that read like a short story. Some poems are written from the perspective of a male character and some from a female character's point of view.

I surprised myself when I started writing this piece,” she said. “I took a fiction workshop at Penn State, and while I loved taking the class, I do not have any talent in fiction writing or storytelling.”

Central Pennsylvania’s natural landscape influenced the imagery of “No Silence in the Fields” Mennies said.


“I definitely love the area and I see a lot of it in the chapbook,” she said. “I felt so extremely aware of how rural and how natural central Pennsylvania is…And it’s a really beautiful place to live.” 

The chapbook is also a testament to Mennies’ strong love affair with language.

“The thing that has always been the most intriguing to me about poetry is how important and interesting and diverse and complicated the little, tiny words in our language are,” she said. “No Silence in the Fields” is available online for free through bluehourpress.com.

"A Terrible Shame"

Both Squillante and Mennies are products of a program that no longer exists.

When I graduated, we had a scare when we were told the program was being cut,” Mennies said.

Mennies, who graduated before the program was cut due to budget restraints, called the loss of the program a “tragedy.”
I took so much from it,” she said. “It was very important for me to have that kind of support and Penn State, in particular, had such a great program for young writers wanting to be teachers.”

The lessons in writing and the tools she acquired while attending Penn State contributed to her well-crafted chapbook.

Squillante, who was the associate director of the creative writing M.F.A. program for eight years, said she was “heartbroken” when the program was cut.

“I think it’s a terrible shame,” she said. “It’s sort of indicative of this attitude we have towards the arts locally.”

Squillante also said that creative writing programs are “falling out” of every level of education across the country.


“Personally, I had a wonderful experience in the Penn State program,” she said “It makes me sad because it’s the end of an era.”

Even though their beloved program is no more, both writers will continue to use what they learned at Penn State in their future projects.


Mennies said that she has finished the first act of a full-length manuscript, and she is also working on a project that she started at Penn State that is “very different” from “No Silence in the Fields.”

Squillante’s next chapbook, “Women Who Pawn Their Jewelry,” includes “relationship poems” that “chronicle the breakup” of her first marriage. The chapbook can be pre-ordered until June 15th through Squillante’s website.


Additionally, Squillante has a project that she worked on with her current husband, Paul Bilger, who is an abstract photographer. It is a series of 10 of her poems that were written in response to 10 of his images.

Squillante does enjoy the thought of her work in other people’s hands.  


“I do feel like once you write something and put it into the world, it’s no longer yours,” she said. “If someone reads my little chapbook, and it brings them to a place that I didn’t necessarily intend, but it’s an important place of self revelation or deep feeling, then I’m happy for that.”

Monday, April 2, 2012

Dare I?

I want to try something. As I get progressively busier, my motivation to write posts for this tends to decrease. However, I still write poetry because I love it. I know that I'm not amazing at it either, but I can get better as long as I allow myself to continue writing it. And I'd like to share some of it with whoever feels it necessary to read this thing (which I assume is only a handful of people). Most importantly, I want to encourage anyone who is unsure of themselves or their creative endeavors to continue with them and try to put them out into the world in some way...no matter how small.


Is It Raining?

you don’t know
how lucky
you are.

when you walk down
those golden streets you
stare at your feet
and listen to the
rhythm of your own
movement.

look up!

see just how high the trees reach.
notice the colors that embrace you.
reflect the smiles from all those women.

hell, maybe you’ll even find a lover
who sings all the wrong words to
every song you’ve ever heard,
but she sings them
with every ounce of conviction
in her soul. 

it’ll make you want to be wrong too.

she’ll marinate you in gasoline and light
a match.
she’ll watch you burn with sin on
her tongue and sweep your ashes under
her welcome mat
as she hums a cold
love song.

hold her close and hold her often
because
one day it will all be gone.

all the spoils of celebration –
the cigarettes and the champagne –
will one day vanish.

the leaves will stop falling
and the sky overhead
will fade to grey.

and all the pretty senoritas from your
youth
will dive deep into the ocean and
hide far from
the sun.

there’s no denying that it
can be a cruel
scene just beyond
your front door,

but we can still find beauty
among the chaos.

we are most alive
near the edge.

we are all just
wine stains on
a carpet.

a better day is behind us,
but there are victories in our sights.

just look
up.